My friend was right I should be on anti-depresion pills but My coz is on they and my uncle died because of depression. My head hurts so much it takes away the pain I feel inside that no one will ever see in my life ever.

I listen to Hollywood Undead's song young today I feel like I could write a song like that but I never have the time. I listen to emo music but I listen to Hollywood Undead and Flobots becuse their songs have to do with life and how the people that have to work with the problem in the world. I feel like the song young is about how I feel about this world and how the world is falling and Im only young that other people.

SOME HOW

My mind is spinning from hearing songs that the lyrics have emotional meaning like never too late by Three Days Grace and how I think how my life will and maybe is like that now or later. Nobody understands me nobody not even myself can understand and that hard to have in your life but some how I go on SOME HOW
SOME HOW SOME HOW

I have stoped think that guys that wear like name brand clothes are hott I have been saying the guys that wear stuff for Hot Topic are hotter than others my think I'm crazy. Today I didn't smile much and in my friends eyes looked like worry for me when I talked to her. Most of my friends have boyfriends but I don't because no guy could understand me but the ones who know what I'm going though I could date. I'm thinking of piercing my lip with out going to a place o my parents knowing but I'll have to take it out when my parents see it. But I have the perfect plan to ask my mom if I can. My plan is: I will say " Mother can I get my lip pierced and before you say no can you listen to this I want to do it because it will make me feel different and I don't care what people say and it will make me feel more liike me and I'll pay for it if you take or I can have my friend do it for me also I'll put a bandge over it when I go to holidays at grandma's Please Mother this is the only thing I want more than anything please me let me be Myself PLEASE MOTHER." I hope that works but who knows right.

why

My friends not get my life and no one knows what I'm going though because I never talk about and my friends talk about whats going on in their life. I feel so out of place around everybody. I never feel like me when I laugh and smile I just do it because I don't need people to worry about me. My emotions stay inside me unlit I have pen and paper or something that I can write with and on. My emotions only show up in my lyrics because if my face shows them somebody will worry. I believe if I get my lip pierced maybe just maybe I will feel more like me not the life I wear when I'm with people. I always wonder if my emotions show and if people can see them I don't need to go to somebody Im able to contorl my emotions. Someday I will be out of this town and when I am I'll be happier than before but it will not show in my face maybe my eyes but never the face. Well I'll be happy too if I get my lip pierced when Im under my parents roof but I'm sure that will never happen as long as I live but who knows right.

My dream is to become a singer but how I'm going to get found if I live in a small town that the news channels don't even talk about us only if we are in tornado or if some one died mysteriously. And my parents don't even say oh you can do this or your going to do great I have never got that and my friend the sings gets in because her parents care about her. I mean i know my parents care about me but in be safe don't do that or okay but way not in an go on you can do that way. Its mostly my mom that does that because my dad works nights and Ionly see he on weekends so to normal people it might be hard to not see your father but I'm okay with it. But its my mom that i see every day and she gets anyoning a lot. My friends don't understand how emotional I can be every day

So What

My life is so messed up. I'm mean I cant do anything outside of the box my parents have me in. My parents are freaking out over me piercing my lip and its not that big of a deal. Its my body and I will what ever I want to do with it. Soon I'm getting my lip pierced and then it will be my nose and my eyebrow and other things too.